Why, Cupid.. Are boys that dumb?

So here's the story about the date Sunday and some other grump and beer fueled angst:

The guy we went out with on Sunday has firmed up the nickname Rock... mostly from his screen names but also from the fact that when we went on that first date last year I remember thinking he was kind of dumb. He's not at all, but more on that later.

Let me backtrack and focus more on the super awesome that was the visit from BF1. After a day of lounging around just relaxing he went to the BBQ that brought him up our way initially, then he came back and stayed over. We snuggled up on the couch watching bad reality TV for awhile before we both started to doze off. My Mr. got the spare bedding and then BF1 planted the kiss on me. He has this thing he does where he will stay in a cuddle-buddy place with his energy that boarders on platonic up until the last moment. That moment is usually the goodbye kiss, but sometimes it's the goodnight. My Mr. just stood back really enjoying the scene, then attempted to have me invite BF1 to bed. We were both genuinely sleepy, so I made clear that there would only be 2 of us getting naked and so ended that part of the night.

The next morning I put on my jammies and had my coffee on the couch with BF1. It was then that he broached the topic of the end of the night, before I was caffeinated enough to do so on my own. I was concerned that he might feel a sense of rejection given that I walked away from such a passionate kiss like I did. He was direct in saying that he's unsure about getting into bed with us again and that he really enjoys the cuddles and energy as it is now. (Or something to that effect. Beer is good!)

When BF1 left Sunday morning we had another embrace and I told him that I may not see the whole picture, but what I do see is a wonderful, loving man that deserves better than the women he has been involved with lately. If I didn't say the words, I was saying that I love him and want to see him happy. It was a great visit and we (me and My Mr.) both hope for more of that soon.

Sunday evening was the date with Rock. The back story is that the 3 of us went out once last year while we were still involved with The Mad Scientist. Rock & My Mr. hit it off so well that at one point I was toying with the idea of suggesting that the 2 of them date each other without me. The without me part was because on that 1st date there was beer, pool and kisses but I just didn't feel "it" that night. In retrospect, I was having 'the feelings' for The Mad Scientist and not open to anything else. The ooey-gooeys tend to do that: give me blinders and make me less inclined to seek anything more.

We met for drinks at a place My Mr. and I had gone to a few times when we first moved here. Immediately the conversation was easy and comfortable. We talked about everything from the heavy stuff that Rock is going through dealing with a suicidal father, parenting teenagers, fetish events, and more than once words like "cock" came out loudly enough that the table beside us was giving us sideways glances. (To which we all chuckled and said, "Well, we're now somebody's story!")

The most impressive thing about Rock was that he was direct enough to simply ask the question of what brought us back there after a year. And I was able to honestly answer that I was the one not feeling the chemistry because of the thing with The Mad Scientist and that I felt that I and we were in a different place and wanted to see where things might lead.

At the end of the night, I was the one to initiate the kiss with Rock to make clear that I *DID* feel the chemistry after our evening. Of course we had already put out the invite for a 3rd date this weekend for a wine tasting thing we're doing...

Like any good date, there was immediate follow up. And that's where my angst comes in. The flirty messages have been more sexually driven than would be acceptable in a straight, monogamous, M/F dating thing at this point. Monday it was the message about dreaming about being naked with us both. Today is was something about Rock having a little ED but that he does fine with his little blue pills.  -_-

If he were the first guy to jump straight to the sex it would be one thing, but he's probably the 286th to do so.. Not that we've had nearly that many dates the last year, but just in the messages on OkC alone guys tend to go straight for boner-land.

Quite literally while writing this I got a message on OkC from a cute bearded boy who opened by asking if we were on FetLife. I said yes, continued the conversation and he asked again. Anyone on FetLife knows that it's just Facebook with boobs and an expressway to boner-land in itself. He was cute and lives far enough away that there is no chance of meeting him so I gave him the profile and said, "You just became part of my blog."

So here I am at the bottom of a snake bite (Guinness and cider... Yum!) wondering this: Why do guys think it is okay to bring sex into the conversation right away with us? If it were a straight, monogamous-type dating thing a guy would (seemingly) know better than to talk about his junk and what specific type of sex he was or was not interested in. But in this situation we have been advised of everything from a guy's curiosity about anal sex, their ED and little blue pills, their interest or lack thereof in giving or receiving oral sex from a guy and all often before the 1st date... I'm just inebriated enough I can't think of other specifics, but the theme of the messages has so often skipped all the "person" things and jumped right into the penis things that it just frustrates us both to no end.

Exactly one guy has done it right so far... T-Rex messaged us awhile back and as a passing comment said he identifies as straight but has been known to be heteroflexible in the right fun situations. From there he asked about meeting for drinks, and we did about 2 weeks ago. It was one of the first dates we've been on where we ended the night wondering if he liked us. The (very) few dates we've been on this last year have started more on the note of "will we like him" and ended with us reminding ourselves that no matter how it goes we're still getting laid at the end of the night so there's no such thing as a truly bad date.

T-Rex was younger than we've gone out with (26 to our 35 and 40), and I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. Not to mention how ridiculously cute he is, in his own quirky way. We seem to have a thing for quirky. The Mad Scientist was partly dubbed as such due to his Albert Einstein-like hair style and fondness of brightly colored shirts. T-Rex's quirk is his beard. He has a "regular" haircut and a 9-5 job with a long red beard that is about to have its own 1st birthday party.
 
Due to work/life/schedules we haven't seen T-Rex since that night, but his after-date message confirmed that it was in fact a date-date and that there is interest. He said, "So I just want to put it out there that I have never dated a couple like this, so I would love it if you guys could take the lead as it were :)" and then "For my part I'm still interested in going beyond just friends, but would like to get to know you guys more." And THAT is how it's done!

Alas, boys are dumb even when they are over 40 and come off in conversation as emotionally mature, honest and easy to be around.

And now for the question of it all: WHY?

My Mr. suggested that it's because guys that are "flexible" like that have been around the gay circles and divert to the male-male style of interaction that a friend recently discussed with us. Our older, Bi, nudist friend said that when he went to gay sex clubs there was no negotiation, no talking, no real conversation. He said that guys would come up and touch you and you either touched back or turned away. The end. He relayed one specific story when only got verbal requests after repeatedly moving away from a particular younger guy that wanted to blow him. After much pleading by the boy and our friends desire to alleviate his hard-on so he could walk out of the club, they finally hooked up. Our friend said that he had never had a condom put on his penis so stealthily (yay for safer sex!) but it really was just an alternative to masturbating for him at that point of the night.

There was one guy that we had a date planned with who tossed in his possible curiosity but lack of experience with anal sex into the conversation out of the blue just a couple days before we were supposed to go out for drinks.  My Mr. was the one to send the message expressing, very tactfully, that it was not cool and we cancelled the date. That guy responded that "It was an unfortunate combination of nervous energy, reading the 100s of questions on OkC and not having that common sense filter after being married for so many years." I almost wanted to still go out with that one after such a genuine response. Almost.

I wonder if it's an online dating thing that did happen when I was single and I've forgotten? Or if it's the "they are non-monogamous so they must be kinky nymphos... I should tell them about my cock" line of thinking? Once again, I just don't get it.

On that note. Beer is good. And T-Rex is about to get a Facebook message.