An acquaintance from back in Texas posted that on my
Facebook wall this morning. I realized I haven’t posted anything in a really
long time, and I didn’t have a single entry in my December 2013 writing file. I
have several word pads on my desktop with bits and pieces I put down and said I’d
go back and edit “later.” But of course, “later” never seems to get here. It was
a wake-up call to see just how much I’ve been slacking and really disconnecting
from myself the last few weeks. Part of me says that it’s just the natural
thing to do when it gets cold- grow a winter coat and hibernate. (TMI: I hadn’t
shaved my legs since Thanksgiving.) Another part of me is just plain bored. My
Mr. said something to that effect a few days ago. For a long time we had plans
every weekend- social events, burlesque shows, discussion groups… but in
December we had next to nothing. He said we are becoming ‘old and boring.’ And
he’s right.
So here it is on New Year’s Day. We wanted to go to sushi
but nothing was open so we’ve been in bed on our laptops all day. I chatted
with someone on OkC for a bit, but as soon as he said something about his ‘throbbing
cock’ I closed the chat and remembered why we haven’t been on a date in months.
It’s a delicate balance when making friends as a married couple, no matter
where on the monogamous-to-polyamorous scale you are. Being around the Alt.
Lifestyle community just complicates things because for as many times as I’ve
heard poly people talk about how it’s not just about the sex, the sex seems to
take center stage even faster than in other arenas. We are lonely for friends
and still working through some of the “extra person” versus “extra penis”
issues together. The time with The Mad Scientist taught us both a lot about
ourselves, our insecurities and the strength of our marriage but left us with a
higher standard in terms of who we want in our life. That’s not a bad thing,
but being picky added to the distance issues that seem to come up with the
people we’ve met that we do like on a social level just leaves us more isolated
in our own little bubble more and more.
Life keeps getting in the way of living.
My job is great, but the 8-5 life makes it even easier to
fall into the trap of ‘work, dinner, TV, bed, repeat.’ I work for an awesome
family where they treat the business like a second home. One the way out
yesterday Boss Man stopped me to join everyone for a toast to the New Year in
the conference room. My Mr. had come to pick me up and Boss Man insisted he
join us, shook his hand and poured the champagne. The one co-worker I was really
making friends with just left, so there’s less conversation during the day. A
few weeks ago I “came out” as non-monogamous to her. That was something I was hesitant
to do in general because of the atmosphere at work. Her response was
exceptionally positive, and she told me that her sister was in a relationship
that was in the process of opening up as well. Our people really do find us,
but her life path was heading back to the South where she’d lived previously. Bless
social media for giving us a means to stay connected!
The standard 1st day of the New Year thing to do
is to start off on New Year’s Resolutions and all that. *Blah* I’m just content
to say that today I’m blogging because someone made me aware that I haven’t
just been typing away into the digital ethers. 2013 was a great year in so many
ways, but it was lonely in other ways. It’s nice to know that what I was
saying, thinking, feeling and sharing was being received and appreciated. I
need to remember that for as much as I write for my own ‘therapy’ and
historical recording of sorts that maybe someone else is ‘listening’ too.
Cheers to another great year!
