The Middle Layer is where I live...in-between the extremes, without a label that fits.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Bra Shopping, Body Issues and Partying Naked (TMI-ish)

Next weekend My Mr. and I are going to a Mardi Gras masquerade The Dom is throwing. I scored an amazing deal on a red dress that puts 'the girls' properly on display, hugs my waist and flows perfectly over my hips. The issue is that the arm holes are just big enough that my bra shows through so I need a red bra to wear with it. Last weekend we went to Kohl's and I tried on what seemed like 100 red bras. We tried every possible equation to find the right size... 38D is too small in the cup. 38DD is too small around. 40C poked out on the sides. 40D had miles to spare... You get the point. It's like algebra added to the already demoralizing experience of buying clothing.

Even as I work towards embracing the extra fluff on the edges I'm still forced to contend with the discomfort of "sizing" and the expectations that clothing manufacturers put on women by the way they make clothes. Apparently having my size hips means I should be 6 feet tall with a giant belly. Seriously.

So today we tried again... First at one of the department stores in the mall. (I can't remember which ones we went into, and where I even bothered to make an attempt) and then I resorted to Victoria's Secret. It pains me to think of spending the same amount on a bra as I spent on my dress, but I was desperate. The fitting girl said I am a 38DD and returned with 2 red bras. The dressing room was like a sauna and the lights were the usual, unbearably bright kind that accentuate every blotch, every wrinkle and every ounce of back fat. The first bra squished my sides, dug into my shoulders and gave me quadra-boob. The second bra also squished all around but poked out in the front on the sides as though it was too big in the cups. Same size. Same store. Totally different fit. What. The. Fuck, right?

I deposited both over-priced bras on the 'don't want' rack and sulked out with tears in my eyes. On the way out of the mall I did was any sensible fat girl would- I got a bag of cinnamon sugar pretzel bites with cream cheese and came home to my sweat pants.
 
Here's the real kicker about my body issue moment: tonight we are going to our first "Socially Nude/ Lingerie Optional" party. The host is the same guy that hosted the Halloween party. We have run into him since then at other social events with some of the other Alt-Lifestyle groups we are all members of. He's been very clear that this is not a play party and addressed concerns of those new to social nudity such as "What about accidental erections?"

It's a big boundary pushing this for us. Despite my lack of shyness, I'm still really struggling with being okay with the extra weight I've put on since moving out here. My Mr. has been even more anxious about the party, and has talked about it at least once daily for the last week. He has also been doing a lot of clothes shopping, and an equal amount of clothes returning due to sizing issues.

It's a mean trick played on us all by an industry that makes millions telling us all that we are not good enough. They play with numbers and add buzz words to make each item stand out, while telling us that it's all standardized and emphasizing your SIZE, rather than your shape.

Once upon a time ago I was a perfect size 4 and a 32D. I had the body of a Victoria's Secret model for the first time in my life and couldn't wait to buy lingerie to show it off. Several online orders and several returns later I realized that even the clothes in Victoria's Secret are not made for a Victoria's Secret body.

I just don't understand it... Who DO "they" make all of these clothes for?

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