Media Buzz and Poly (Our Interview)

We did an interview with a... ugh, I don't even know what to call them anymore… a 'newspaper'? It's a digital format and calls itself a magazine "Exploring the American idea since 1857."

The organizers of the northern poly MeetUp contacted us and asked if we'd be interested, stating that the topic of the piece was jealousy. We met the reporter and one other couple at the organizers' house after a late lunch that regrettably included a watermelon something-with-vodka and quasi Tex-Mex food.

The other couple was a little younger than us, attractive and articulate. While the MeetUp organizers were being interviewed, we chatted and learned that they also date as a couple and have a more closed style of poly. We joked how odd it was to have two of us in the same room, but they date women and we date men. The interviewer remarked that we were the first couple with that specific dynamic that she had met...

The interview itself was interesting... my favorite euphemism. The reporter didn't seem to have much knowledge about non-monogamy and alternative relationship styles. We introduced and explained the term compersion to her as well as explaining what "play parties" were among the "swing set."

I walked away feeling like I was less articulate than I hear I usually am. (I blame the watermelon-vodka thing and rumbly tummy.) We both said that we could see things getting spun in all kinds of directions, and are a little concerned about what the final piece will look like. The other couple has dealt more extensively with the media and said that they try to photograph poly people in bed together and tend to ask questions about topics that could potentially cast a negative light on things. This felt a little like it could turn into that kind of thing...

Something else I walked away with was an annoyance with the term "Poly" itself. It feels like the newest "buzz word" and that alone makes me want to reject it. I told the reporter that I do not identify as "Polyamorous" but prefer the umbrella term "Ethical Non-Monogamy" because of all the preconceived notions surrounding poly. It's become a loaded term that conjures up images of Hippies and Free Love or more accurately, Geeks and Hipsters deliberately rejecting all of the attachments and bonds associated with monogamy.

My marriage is not an "Open Marriage" but one where we are looking to add a third person to the relationship. For all of the multiples involved in the equation "Poly" is a term that is often associated with having to divide. Divide time, divide energy, divide affection... Poly often comes down to dividing a lot of real life things into separate dyads. We are not Poly like that.

The reporter asked if I had been in Polyamorous relationships before... I said that nobody was calling it "Poly" but that things flexed and flowed without rigid definitions. She then asked if they were "Open" relationships and I gave examples of the relationships where we started as friends, became intimate for a time and then when one or the other would get involved with someone else we would still be friends but not get naked anymore. I don't think she got it.

I'm trying to wrap my brain around the whole thing and will just have to wait and see how it all comes out. The media has gotten its grubby hands on Poly and I'm not sure if today was a positive contribution to the image or not.